Getting Through Divorce #divorcehelp #divorcetherapy

21

Sep
2015
Posted By : Sally Dee 0 Comment

HOW TO MOVE PAST BEING ALONE

Divorce. Not easy for anyone. I see many people that need help and counseling through the changes that divorce will be bringing to their lives. They often seek the support of therapy to help them move forward with their lives and be happy. Many want to understand how they can be better versions of themselves so they won’t make the same mistakes in their next relationship.

But what I see again and again is a fear of being alone.

After years of being married and having a partner by your side, being alone can feel overwhelming and bring out feelings of loneliness, anxiety and even depression. The same thing that many people fear in the beginning of their divorce often ends up being the best part of their new life.

Here is how to enjoy your newfound time alone:

1. Create a new “family” tradition.

Family doesn’t have to be a traditional structure. Family can consist of good friends and people that you love. Spend time with people you are close to. Don’t wait for the invite- ask to stop by, cook out, go for coffee.

2. Help others

Nothing is more grounding than helping people in the community. If you have a service, provide it for free to someone that couldn’t normally afford it. Help at a food bank or something that appeals you. You will be surprised at how energized the body and mind feel after being generous with others.

3. Focus on the positive.

Notice your tendencies and when you feel out of alignment with “joy”. You can change your interactions with others by slowing down. You can even change your interactions just by focusing on the good and positive. Cooking for one can be lovely when you focus on how great it feels to make a great meal just for you with all your favorites in it.

4. Do what you love.

You are the decision maker now. How do you want to fill your time? You can spend a whole Saturday reading a book. If you are doing what you love, being alone feels really good.

5. Get outside

Go for a walk and contemplate the beauty of your surroundings. A guided hike is a great way to meet other people, too. Or really go for the great outdoors and plan a solo trip- there are tons of group travel options where you could meet other people like on a yoga retreat.

Just because you are single, does not mean you have to lonely. There are so many ways to get involved and connect with others. The thing about being single is you get to choose when to be with others and when being by yourself would be great. You are meeting your own needs and that is really, really rewarding.

Joyful Living: Where to Find Love

26

Aug
2015
Posted By : Sally Dee 0 Comment

When it comes to dating, where do you even begin? Maybe when we were in our twenties, the bar scene was the most obvious option. But after you sign on for your first real job and have more responsibilities, the thought of going to a bar to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right might seem less interesting. It is natural when we are in our twenties, to find connections more easily. We tend to be more involved with others at this period of our lives.

That is the keyword: INVOLVED. Because- I know where you won’t meet someone….sitting on your couch! While you might want to spend some time investing in online dating, the majority of your time should be spent socializing and creating friendships with others. The biggest mistake you can make is to just go home every day after work and do nothing. Being single is not a waiting period. Enjoying the friendships and the freedom you have to explore, can lead to more possibilities of making a lasting love connection.

The first step to dating is to get out into the world with a sense of exploration and humor.

Here’s how you open the doors to finding love:

1.Get involved

Think of the activities that you love. Create a list and then find local options for you to do what you love. Love yoga? Start going to a yoga class. If you see a cute man or woman in the class, put your mat near them and make small talk. Joining a social club, running club or any club can also be a great way to grow a new network of friends and possible dates.

2.Consistency to Build Community

Make a schedule that creates consistency. If you are a “regular” somewhere, you are more likely to find someone else that is too. Seeing someone at the same place and the same time, might make it easier for both of you to start a conversation.

3.Give yourself enough time at places

If you rush in and rush out of somewhere, like that yoga class I mentioned above, you miss out on the possibility of conversation with others. Build in “lingering” time into every activity you do. If you look like you are rushing, other people that want to chat with you will think you are too busy and leave you alone. You don’t want that!

4.Get online

After you have spent time connecting and being involved with activities, then get online. Online dating sites can deplete your time and even lead to feelings of depression. Look at it as a supplement to your already busy social life, not the lifeline. The book, DATA: A Love Story by Amy Webb, has some great tips on how to be an online dating PRO.

5.Make eye contact

Looking into someone’s eyes might seem so simple, but eye contact is how humans create intimacy. If you find someone interesting, let your eyes hold for a second or two longer than you might normally do. You might start to feel the electricity just from that!

Let me know how these steps work for you! Find me on Facebook at Joyful Dating!

Why You Need To Feel Again- Therapy Advice for the New Year

02

Jan
2015
Posted By : Sally Dee 0 Comment

Human beings are hard-wired to “feel”. We need to touch, talk and connect with each other to maintain optimal health, both physical health and mental health. In fact, if babies do not get enough cuddling and love within their first year of life, it affects the development of their brain growth.

Feelings are natural, and yet complex. To feel emotions requires a “give and take”. Sometimes it hurts to feel something. Sometimes it takes great courage to feel and to express what we feel. Sometimes others do not reciprocate our feeling, and that hurts.

To avoid feeling emotions that cause discomfort, we may begin to create barriers for ourselves. For example, we may not talk about our emotions, or be as tender with our loved ones, or we avoid intimacy in a number of other ways.

When we block ourselves from feeling; we are also limiting our ability to feel positive emotions, like joy and happiness. While at first it may seem scary to be so open, but allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable and then honestly evaluating our faults, fears, weaknesses, can offer true liberation.

The Law of Attraction states that what you give out is what you get back. So if you act reserved and closed off, others will mimic that energy. So let the walls crumble, and let your authentic self shine, and others will do the same.

Drugs and alcohol are another way people numb themselves from feeling and fool themselves into thinking this kind of connection is authentic. When you start to accept and understand your feelings, the desire to numb is diminished. Instead, you want to enjoy every blessed moment you have on this planet.

If you don’t even know where to begin to connect with feelings again, I can help. If you have been finding relationships never seem to work out for you, this might the reason. If your conversations with others always seem shallow, I can help. If drugs or alcohol usage is interfering with your life, I can help.

Don’t let another year pass where you hide away. Step into the world and FEEL again. You might get hurt, yes. But you will allow yourself to feel the wonder of closeness, joy and love in a way that nourishes you in every way.

Finding Holiday Joy

02

Dec
2014
Posted By : Sally Dee 0 Comment

FINDING HOLIDAY JOYFinding Holiday Joy

We often see the “marketing” side of the holiday season. The media blasts photos of people happily shopping, cooking comforting foods and doing fun things together. But as a therapist, I know that this isn’t the whole story. I see people that have deep sadness and grief throughout the holiday season as it reminds them of a loved one they are missing. I see people that are crippled by anxiety as they wish to provide presents under the tree. I see people who feel alone. I see people that feel trapped in family roles that they can’t seem to break free from. I see people who have been stressed throughout the year, reach their breaking point.

But before YOU reach your breaking point, let’s try to change the story here. We can make the holidays better, if not even like the marketing geniuses deem it “JOYOUS”. In order to do this, you have to commit to yourself that you are going to tell a different story this year.

It begins with recognizing what exactly are the feelings you are having and why- sadness, anxiety, fear, anger, loneliness, etc. Once you identify your true feelings, here some very broad tips for helping you find your joy this season.

1. Be mindful and focus on the positive

Notice your own tendencies and when you feel out of alignment with “joy”. You can change your interactions with others by slowing down. You can even change your interactions just by focusing on the good and positive. Do more of the good and positive.

2. Set boundaries

Your enjoyment of the season is just as important as everyone else’s. Make sure you are happy too.

3. Help others

Nothing is more grounding than helping people in the community. If you have a service, provide it for free to someone that couldn’t normally afford it. Help at a food bank or something that appeals you. You will be surprised at how energized the body and mind feel after being generous with others.

4. Enjoy the outside

We tend to spend a lot of time indoors this time of year with shopping and eating. Even if your area of the country is cold, bundle up and get some fresh air. Go for a walk and contemplate the beauty of your surroundings. Plant a tree for someone who is not with you this year.

5. Plan a trip for during or after the holidays

It can be a simple weekend away where you get to enjoy a new city or a seaside adventure. Travel opens doors to relaxation and can shift us out of our unhappy states- as long as it is in the budget!

You have to decide that you want your holiday story to be a good one. You may need extra counseling to get through the month- professional or through talking with close friends. But you can do it and you can make this a time of year that feels cozy, warm and joyful.